Ok, this song has been over-filked to the max. But still, my holiday offering to all of you is:

The Twelve Turns of Fighting

On the first turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
A D7 with an E3.
(Darn Klingons, they start everything!)

On the second turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
Two Kzinti drones
(Just because I said they looked like Lyrans?)
And a D7 with an E3.

On the third turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
Three Sabre-tooths,
(Who told the Lyrans I said that about the Kzintis?!)
Two Kzinti drones,
And a D7 with an E3.

On the fourth turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
Four Frax subs,
(Drat, who let the simulator empires out?!)
Three Sabre-tooths,
Two Kzinti drones,
And a D7 with an E3.

On the fifth turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
Five Jind rock ships,
(My, they are BIG!)
Four Frax subs,
Three Sabre-tooths,
Two Kzinti drones,
And a D7 with an E3.

On the sixth turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
Six Rangers raiding,
(Fighters, they got fighters! Lots and lots of fighters.)
Five Jind rock ships,
Four Frax subs,
Three Sabre-tooths,
Two Kzinti drones,
And a D7 with an E3.

On the seventh turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
Seven scouts a-scouting,
(What's an "EW"?)
Six Rangers raiding,
Five Jind rock ships,
Four Frax subs,
Three Sabre-tooths,
Two Kzinti drones,
And a D7 with an E3.

On the eighth turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
Eight Prime Teams spying,
(You can’t all be named Bond!)
Seven scouts a-scouting,
Six Rangers raiding,
Five Jind rock ships,
Four Frax subs,
Three Sabre-tooths,
Two Kzinti drones,
And a D7 with an E3.

On the ninth turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
Nine Selts to bug me,
(They brought how many Hives?!)
Eight Prime Teams spying,
Seven scouts a-scouting,
Six Rangers raiding,
Five Jind rock ships,
Four Frax subs,
Three Sabre-tooths,
Two Kzinti drones,
And a D7 with an E3.

On the tenth turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
Ten Cands a-mauling,
(None of them are shocked? Oh drat!)
Nine Selts to bug me,
Eight Prime Teams spying,
Seven scouts a-scouting,
Six Rangers raiding,
Five Jind rock ships,
Four Frax subs,
Three Sabre-tooths,
Two Kzinti drones,
And a D7 with an E3.

On the eleventh turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
Eleven Vulture dreadnaughts,
(I figured they’d get here, eventually.)
Ten Cands a-mauling,
Nine Selts to bug me,
Eight Prime Teams spying,
Seven scouts a-scouting,
Six Rangers raiding,
Five Jind rock ships,
Four Frax subs,
Three Sabre-tooths,
Two Kzinti drones,
And a D7 with an E3.

On the twelfth turn of fighting
My foes did send to me
Twelve Terminators,
(Great, just great. They’re here, too.)
Eleven Vulture dreadnaughts,
Ten Cands a-mauling,
Nine Selts to bug me,
Eight Prime Teams spying,
Seven scouts a-scouting,
Six Rangers raiding,
Five Jind rock ships,
Four Frax subs,
Three Sabre-tooths,
Two Kzinti drones,
And a D7 with an E3.

Fine! I surrender! (I don't seem to have any asteroid fields to whang them into.)

After all I’m facing
12 Terminators,
22 Vulture dreadnaughts,
30 Cands a-mauling,
36 buggy Selts,
40 Prime Teams,
42 Scouts (all doing their EW thing),
42 Rangers with all those fighters,
40 Jind rock ships (and they are huge!)
36 Sabre-tooths
30 Frax subs
22 Kzinti drones (and they keep getting faster)
and
12 D7s and E3s

By Jean Sexton (Jsexton) on Sunday, February 08, 2009 - 05:06 pm: Edit

Filks happen at the oddest times . . .

We Could Be Klingons (The Bargantine Song)
(to the tune of “You Are My Sunshine”)

Chorus: We could be Klingons, we could be warriors
If you would let us on your ships
We could be fearless; we could be bra-ve
Ple-ase, let us on your ships.

The other day, dears, when I was farming,
I was a Klingon, true and brave
But then somebody threw a tribble—
There are some things one can’t brave.

I’ll always be brave when I am able,
I’ll drill and drill from day to night,
I’ll practice firing my disrupter--
Don’t let foes within my sight!

Why won’t you let us be like real Klingons?
We could be warriors strong and true
We could whip Hydrans and nasty bad guys
With our ships all shiny new.

By Jean Sexton (Jsexton) on Friday, June 18, 2010 - 07:21 am: Edit

Write Right

Klingons
See the fire from the D7
And the ship that is slith'ring
His ships sideslip away
Like the D7
I yearn to turn and "DirDam" my foes
I am waiting for the day ...

Midnight
Not a sound from the players
Have they all gone to hotels?
I am proofing alone
In the lamplight
The proofread pages fall to my feet
And the Steves begin to moan.

Memory
All alone in the lamplight
I can smile at the old days
Words had capitals then
I remember the time when all the jargon was used
Let the memory live again

Every story
Seemed to have a semicolon missing ...
The Steves do mutter,
"Increase that gutter!
Our prose she is now dissing..."

Daylight
I must wait for retirement
I must think of perfection
And I mustn't give in
When that day comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And perfection will begin

Burnt-out hulls of smoking ships
The ozone smell of photons
The Fed ship dies, another battle's over
Another day to proof on

Write right
It's so easy to write right
About your last ship fight
And not to use jargon
If you write right
I'll understand what happiness is

Look
A new game has begun

By Jean Sexton (Jsexton) on Friday, September 19, 2014 - 11:24 am: Edit

Oh! You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why:

ISC will make you behave!

We're making a list,
We're checking it twice,
We're gonna find out
Who's naughty or nice.

ISC will make you behave!

We see you when you're fighting,
We know when plasma's fake.
We know when you've been bad or good,
So be good for peace's sake!

So...You better watch out,
You better not cry
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why.

ISC will make you behave!

By Jean Sexton (Jsexton) on Friday, September 19, 2014 - 11:52 am: Edit

Federation version

Tribbles on my shoulders make me happy
Tribbles in my eyes can make me cry
Tribbles in the water look so soggy
Tribbles almost never learn to fly

If I had tribbles that I could give you
I'd give to you tribbles just like this one.
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make your tribbles run.

Tribbles on my shoulders make me happy
Tribbles in my eyes can make me cry
Tribbles in the water look so soggy
Tribbles almost never learn to fly

If I had tribbles that I could sell you
I'd sell tribbles sure to multiply.
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
I'd make a wish for tribbles all the while.

Tribbles on my shoulders make me happy
Tribbles in my eyes can make me cry
Tribbles in the water look so soggy
Tribbles almost never learn to fly

Tribbles almost never, ever learn to fly.

Tribbles almost never ...

**

Klingon version

Tribbles on my shoulders make me angry
Tribbles in my eyes can make me cry
Tribbles in the water look so soggy
Tribbles almost always have to die

If I had tribbles that I could give you
I'd give to you tribbles just like this one. (DEAD!)
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make your tribbles run.

Tribbles on my shoulders make me angry
Tribbles in my eyes can make me cry
Tribbles in the water look so soggy
Tribbles almost always have to die

If I had tribbles that I could sell you
I'd sell tribbles sure to learn to fly. (PULL!)
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
I'd make a wish for tribbles as meat pie.

Tribbles on my shoulders make me angry
Tribbles in my eyes can make me cry
Tribbles in the water look so soggy
Tribbles almost always have to die

Tribbles almost all the time have to die.

Tribbles almost always ...

By Jean Sexton (Jsexton) on Tuesday, March 08, 2011 - 09:40 pm: Edit

Filk happens

Photons Keep Hittin' on My Ship

Photons keep hittin' on my ship
And just like the guy who knows he's just about to trip --
Pavement's gonna hit
Those photons keep hittin' on my ship, they keep hittin'

So I just did me some talkin' to the Fed
And I said I didn't like the way beams hit my head
Really, really hurt!
Those photons keep hittin' on my ship, they keep hittin'

But there's one thing I know --
The shots they send to meet me will defeat me
It won't be long till Mr. Death steps up to greet me

Photons keep hittin' on my ship
And I think the last one there just might have broke my hip --
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna get back home by complainin'
Because I'm dead
Sorta lost my head


It wasn't long till Mr. Death stepped up to greet me

Photons keep hittin' on my ship
But that seems to mean that our fleet's odds are gonna flip
Cryin's not for me
'Cause my ship is gonna blow right up -- he'll go, too
'Cause he's too near
Victory is dear

By Jean Sexton (Jsexton) on Wednesday, March 16, 2011 - 08:41 am: Edit

Filk happens:

Can't Help Firing "OLs" at You

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help firing "OLs" at you
I can't stay --
It would be a sin
But I can't help firing "OLs" at you

Your disruptors fire; I mark my SSD
I soothe away my ire --
Some things weren't meant to be
Take my shields, take my whole hull, too
For I can't help firing "OLs" at you

Your disruptors fire; I mark my SSD
I soothe away my ire --
Some things weren't meant to be
Take my warp, take my aux bridge, too
For I can't help firing "OLs" at you

For I can't help firing "OLs" at you

By Jean Sexton (Jsexton) on Friday, May 22, 2009 - 11:11 pm: Edit

Well our GC is a campaign game
Come from Chicago they say.
Well, it went all the way to Texas
Just loooking for players to play
Just looking for admirals
It was looking for admirals

The first time I saw a new admiral
He was setting in a hex
And the next time I saw the new admiral
He brought his fleet to my home hex
He was looking for a home
Just looking for a home

Then the Klingons took the new admiral
And put him in the stasis field
The admiral said to the Klingons
Well now your fate is sealed
This'll be my home
This is my new home

Then the Hydrans took the new admiral
And fired their Gatlings true
The admiral said to they Hydrans
I'll have your kingdom, too
This'll be my home
This is my new home

The U4 SFB Galactic Conquest campaign is looking for a few good admirals. Some of our younger players found that exploring space, finding new life and new civilization and then blowing up said new life and new civilizations (or convincing them to join their empire via diplomacy) was not for them. A couple of our older members had to drop out for personal reasons.

This is a great way to learn the system. The empires are small, so you can get the feel for the economy and what it looks like switching from one economic status to another.

Come fly with us,
Available Positions: Canadi'en Construct, Flivver Empire, Frax Faction, Inter-Stellar Concordium, Loriyill Collective, Maesron Alliance, Tholian Holdfast

Jean
Federation Admiral

By Jean Sexton (Jsexton) on Saturday, June 11, 2011 - 12:08 pm: Edit

Filk happens (and it is the F&E guys' fault):

Who Will Buy? (to the tune from Oliver!)

Who will buy
These wonderful counters?
Such a buy
You never did see!

Who will sort
Them out into empires
And put them in a box for me?

There'll never be so many of them,
By Sunday they’ll be sold.
Murfreesboro will have "la creme!"
To beat them be quite bold!

Who will buy
These wonderful counters?
You'll be high
You'll swear you could fly.
Me, oh my!
Did Dale drop those counters?
So what are we to do
To keep from turning blue?
There must be someone who will buy!

By Jean Sexton (Jsexton) on Friday, December 02, 2011 - 08:48 am: Edit

Filk happens.

"Here Come Andro Ships"

Here come Andro ships!
Here come Andro ships!
Using their RTNs!
Mambas and Pythons and their motherships
Are filling panels again.
Ships are shooting, Marines boarding;
Displacements left and right.
Prep your photons and fire your phasers
‘Cause Andros fight tonight.

Here come Andro ships!
Here come Andro ships!
Using their RTNs!
They’ve got motherships filled with other ships
With their panels empty again.
Feel your ship go somewhere diff’rent –-
What a dreadful sight!
H-E-T, don’t fail me now
‘Cause Andros fight tonight.

By Jean Sexton (Jsexton) on Friday, December 09, 2011 - 05:03 pm: Edit

And filk happens at odd times. This one burbled around for a bit.

The Twelve Hours of Day One
By Jean Sexton

On the first hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
The saucer of the good ship Hood.

On the second hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
Two asteroids
And the saucer of the good ship Hood.

On the third hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
Three trade routes,
Two asteroids,
And the saucer of the good ship Hood.

On the fourth hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
Four ground bases,
Three trade routes,
Two asteroids,
And the saucer of the good ship Hood.

On the fifth hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
Five colonies,
Four ground bases,
Three trade routes,
Two asteroids,
And the saucer of the good ship Hood.

On the sixth hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
Six battle stations,
Five colonies,
Four ground bases,
Three trade routes,
Two asteroids,
And the saucer of the good ship Hood.

On the seventh hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
Seven cruisers cruising,
Six battle stations,
Five colonies,
Four ground bases,
Three trade routes,
Two asteroids,
And the saucer of the good ship Hood.

On the eighth hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
Eight frigates fighting,
Seven cruisers cruising,
Six battle stations,
Five colonies,
Four ground bases,
Three trade routes,
Two asteroids,
And the saucer of the good ship Hood.

On the ninth hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
Nine Marine squadrons,
Eight frigates fighting,
Seven cruisers cruising,
Six battle stations,
Five colonies,
Four ground bases,
Three trade routes,
Two asteroids,
And the saucer of the good ship Hood.

On the tenth hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
Ten remote bases,
Nine Marine squadrons,
Eight frigates fighting,
Seven cruisers cruising,
Six battle stations,
Five colonies,
Four ground bases,
Three trade routes,
Two asteroids,
And the saucer of the good ship Hood.

On the eleventh hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
Eleven warning stations,
Ten remote bases,
Nine Marine squadrons,
Eight frigates fighting,
Seven cruisers cruising,
Six battle stations,
Five colonies,
Four ground bases,
Three trade routes,
Two asteroids,
And the saucer of the good ship Hood.

On the twelfth hour of Day One the Klingons took from me
Twelve POLs policing,
Eleven warning stations,
Ten remote bases,
Nine Marine squadrons,
Eight frigates fighting,
Seven cruisers cruising,
Six battle stations,
Five colonies,
Four ground bases,
Three trade routes,
Two asteroids,
And the saucer of the good ship Hood.


Please note this is NOT historically accurate. To find the true toll of Day One, read "A Call to Arms" in Captain’s Log #44.

By Jean Sexton (Jsexton) on Tuesday, December 20, 2011 - 09:38 am: Edit

Filk happens

Phasers Fire!

Warping space we go
In a trader that we bought
Our cash we hope to grow
Selling what we bought
Routes bring profits nigh
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to sell and fly
A trader shiny bright

Oh, phaser-1s, phaser-3s
Fire them all THAT way!
Oh what fun it is to fight
A pirate ship they say
Phaser-1s, phaser-3s
Fire them all THAT way!
Oh what fun it is to fight
A pirate ship they say

A day or two ago
We thought we’d make a run
To Texmex we would go
And have some jolly fun.
Our ship was laden high
Bad fortune was our lot
We went around some nebulae
By pirates we were caught.

Oh, phaser-1s, phaser-3s
Fire them all THAT way!
Oh what fun it is to fight
A pirate ship they say
Phaser-1s, phaser-3s
Fire them all THAT way!
Oh what fun it is to fight
A pirate ship they say

Our shields were falling fast
We thought we saw our doom
When a sudden blast
Lit up the entire room
A POL it had come by
And seen our sorry lot
It fired its weapons –- my, oh my
The pirates were upsot.

Oh, phaser-1s, phaser-3s
Fire them all THAT way!
Oh what fun it was to fight
A pirate ship this day
Phaser-1s, phaser-3s
Fire them all THAT way!
Oh what fun it was to fight
A pirate ship this day