I bought a Russian Advent calendar the other day.

Every time you open a window, a Russian oligarch falls out.

By Steve Cole (Stevecole) on Monday, January 02, 2023 - 11:08 pm: Edit

Jean: Whatever are you doing, Steve?

Steve: I am frying some twigs for the local beavers to enjoy.

Jean: Stop this second!

Steve: Why?

Jean: That is a "non-stick" pan!

By Jeff Guthridge (Jeff_Guthridge) on Monday, January 02, 2023 - 11:25 pm: Edit

*groans*

*pinches nose and runs off screaming into the night!*

By Richard Eitzen (Rbeitzen) on Monday, January 02, 2023 - 11:45 pm: Edit

Wokka, wokka, wokka!

By Jason E. Schaff (Jschaff297061) on Tuesday, January 03, 2023 - 07:48 am: Edit

We are now rerouting the stimulus leads from The Booth to Mr. Cole's office.

By Steve Cole (Stevecole) on Tuesday, January 03, 2023 - 11:03 am: Edit

The wild beavers in the meadow by my house were confused and built the wrong •••• dam.

The beavers don't like their dentist because he is too long in the tooth.

Beaver to the tree: "Nice gnawing you!"

The beavers won't swim in the river because it is too main-stream.

The beavers keep their money in the River Bank.

Every beaver lists the same job on his resume: branch manager.

By Steve Cole (Stevecole) on Tuesday, January 03, 2023 - 11:03 am: Edit

Was 12 hours playing TIMBERBORNE too much?

By Jeff Guthridge (Jeff_Guthridge) on Tuesday, January 03, 2023 - 12:00 pm: Edit

Don't bother with The Booth Jason, just drop a poorly written "Module X4 -- SFB: The Next Generation" proposal on SVC's desk, complete with ship mounted Phaser-4X's, super-overloaded Photons with accuracy enhancements, "free" EW points.... and LOADS OF ADDENDA.

(Now, where did I put that cloaking device....)

By Garth L. Getgen (Sgt_G) on Tuesday, January 03, 2023 - 12:32 pm: Edit

True story: We were at the zoo and overheard some kid tell his Mom "Look! There's Justin! You know, Justin Beaver."


Garth L. Getgen

By Jeff Anderson (Jga) on Tuesday, January 03, 2023 - 04:27 pm: Edit

Heard about a homeowner who was fined by the association for a flood out behind his home AND was cited by the Feds (under wetlands protection) over a beaver dam.

As I recall, his affidavit in court included such gems as, "I was not responsible for the creation of the dam structure," "The dam obstruction in the stream was not my fault," and, "It was natural wildlife that were behind the dam project."

The whole thing went on for a LOT longer. TBH, I don't even know if it was real, let alone how the judge ruled if it was.

By Jeff Wile (Jswile) on Tuesday, January 03, 2023 - 04:34 pm: Edit

Jason, don't bother with the wired stimulus leads, the office went wireless a few years ago. (Abandoning what seemed like tons of accumulated wire cables in walls, ceilings and even a few under the floor.)

Assuming you have access thru the security protocols, you should not have any trouble getting a signal.

The real challenge is to get SVC to bite down (hard) on the mouth piece while holding the hand grips on the portable device.

Ask Slirdarian Corporal, he has the official pass codes. (I would wait until after chow call, he seems easier to work with after he has been fed! Grin.)

By Kenneth Humpherys (Pmthecat) on Wednesday, January 04, 2023 - 08:36 am: Edit

As the new year begins, I think about all the people I've lost...

As the year goes forward, I think about the future...

I've come to a resolution...

Tour guide in not the job for me.

By Jeff Anderson (Jga) on Tuesday, January 10, 2023 - 12:30 pm: Edit

Heard that Bill Engvall is retiring from Stand-up. I've always liked his stuff. Good, clean humor that I'd never have concerns for kids overhearing.

Never seen him live, though. Just videos. I can picture it; I'm in line to get in to a show he's doing and someone asks me, "You like Bill Engvall?"

I answer, "Nope; I thought this was the line for the rest room. Here's your sign..."

By Dennis Bergendorf (Wildcard) on Tuesday, January 10, 2023 - 01:01 pm: Edit

Jeff:

He has. His last show was New Years Eve in SLC. Now on to retire to Park City, if I understand correctly.

By Joseph Jackson (Bonneville) on Thursday, January 12, 2023 - 04:10 pm: Edit

In this, the two thousandth and twenty third year of our Lord, may this sage wisdom be of value to you:
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

By Jeff Anderson (Jga) on Thursday, January 12, 2023 - 07:48 pm: Edit

So, how about a house, horse, or dragon?

By Garth L. Getgen (Sgt_G) on Friday, January 13, 2023 - 01:30 am: Edit

You know how they say

Time Flies When You're Having Fun

but Kermit the Frog always says

Time's Fun When You're Having Flies.

()


Garth L. Getgen

By Garth L. Getgen (Sgt_G) on Saturday, January 28, 2023 - 06:13 pm: Edit

This is almost too sad for the Humor topic.

My wife and I went to a restaurant for lunch, and there was a 10-15 minute wait, so the hostess asked for my name. She asked me to repeat it, so I said, "Garth. Like the singer." She shook her head and mumbled "I don't know who that is." I mean, come on, you don't even need to like country music to know who Garth Brooks is, do you??


Garth L. Getgen

By Kevin Howard (Jarawara) on Saturday, January 28, 2023 - 06:47 pm: Edit

Garth Brooks, was he one of the backup singers for Lady Gaga? ;)

By A David Merritt (Adm) on Saturday, January 28, 2023 - 07:36 pm: Edit

In all fairness, how long ago did Garth stop topping the charts, and how old was the waitstaff?

By Michael F Guntly (Ares) on Sunday, January 29, 2023 - 12:09 am: Edit

Mr. Getgen, I guess it was the wrong reference.
What you meant was Garth, as in Garth of Izar.

By Mike Erickson (Mike_Erickson) on Sunday, January 29, 2023 - 12:21 am: Edit

Garth Vader?

By Mike Grafton (Mike_Grafton) on Sunday, January 29, 2023 - 11:49 am: Edit

Waynes best friend?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oe30habM0ls

By Jeff Anderson (Jga) on Sunday, January 29, 2023 - 04:11 pm: Edit

I would imagine the continuous references, back when Garth Brooks was the biggest name in country music, may have gotten old, Sgt. G, but it's also easy to find it a good enough reference to almost be a friend.

One thing I run into occasionally is folks who like to do an impression from the Matrix movies at me. My invariable reply is, "Please, make it Jeff. Agent Smith calls me, 'Mister Anderson,' and he's anNOYing..."

(hey, it gets a laugh. )

By Joseph Jackson (Bonneville) on Sunday, February 05, 2023 - 01:04 pm: Edit

As there are surely the dog days of summer, so to do we have the winter doldrums. I define them as the month of February.
So to cheer us up (or at lease get us to groan about something different) here we go:

My wife recommended that I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day. . .
Not really relaxing, now my eyes hurt, but I managed to get: "60 Watts - Made in China."

Ok, ok. Seriously, dentists are going to start using helium now. When asked if it would help with the pain they said, "No, but when you scream, it's funny."